Kerry

When I read our weekly asignments and saw we had to write a blog about a loved one or grandparent and describe them. I thought I would describe my best friend, also my first cousin, that passed away a few years ago. He has at the largest impact on my entire life. He has been on my mind with every major decision I have had to make and I never stop thinking about him. I can clearly remember how I felt, what he wore, and the atmosphere before he left this world. Lets just say this blog will be wrote with many tears shed.
It was June 13, 2008. I was working at my uncles small engine shop as a front desk person, getting parts ordered and what not. It was about 5 o'clock in the afternoon and we were just getting ready to leave. I was outside picking up the garbage outside and I turn around and am being bombarded by dandelions by Kerry. He had on the same blue shirt he always did that said RFD, Rushford Fire Department, the same Gander Moutain hat, and the same blue jeans with his fish belt buckle. He also always smelled like gasoline, the kind you use in a snowmobile, even though it wasn't winter! He looked at me with his goofy grin that always looked like he was up to no good. He asked me what my plans were for the night, asking me if I wanted to go for a ride on his Harley for the first time since I had never been on a motorcycle in my life. His motorcycle was a dark purple and had an eagle, no I don't know anything more about it, I don't know much about motorcycles. His motorcycle was definatly his baby. I said no, I had a horse show in Austin the next day and had to be up at like 4 AM so I was gonna go home and go to bed. He said ok, continued to throw more dandelions and little gravel pieces at me and then went on his way. Right before I clocked out, he pushed me out of the way like he always did to punch out and we went our seperate ways. I proceeded to go home and went to bed like I said I was.
The next morning I got up at 4 when I said I was, even though I was tired as could be because I couldn't sleep very good. I was driving up to my friends house since I was riding with her to Austin. I remember going over Interstate 90 and looking at the sunrise. It was absolutely gorgeous, so I got to the stop sign and took a picture. I sent it to Kerry and told him how nice it is to be able to see this, and gave him a hard time for not being up that early and he shouldn't have gone out. We went about our day in the hot sun, and in the back of my mind I couldn't figure out why Kerry wouldn't text me back, since he always did every day!
It was 4 o'clock in the after noon when we were just getting ready to leave Austin. I remember looking at my phone and seeing that I had a missed call and voicemail from my mom. Thinking she just was checking on me, I called before I checked the message. I could hear it in her voice that something was wrong. I was not prepared for what she was about to tell me. She got very calm and said Kerry had died in a motorcycle accident that night at 2 in the morning. I instantly burst into tears. I had just talked to him the night before! I was in complete shock that I actually cried the entire way home. Once I got back to town, I went straight to Kerry's dad's house. I got out of the truck and fell straight to my knees. I could not stop crying for the life of me. My uncle took me in his arms and we both just cried together for about an hour right there in the street. It felt as if someone had ripped my heart right out my chest.
I actually can't tell you how the next few days were because I honestly didn't do anything but sit at my uncles and cry. I went into Kerry's room the day before his wake. It smelled just like he did. I picked up his jacket and sure enough it smelt just like snowmobiles, which was something Kerry and I did religiously in the winter. In fact all his clothes smelled that way to, and I know he washed them. I barely made it through the wake and funeral with out crying. I remember his twin nephews looking at him in his casket. They looked up to Kerry as their dad since their real dad was no longer in the picture. They would look at him and say Kerry is in Heaven riding his motorcycle.
Every year on the anniversary of his death, I go and just sit there and cry. I know I am not over losing him and I know I won't be for a long time. Every now and then when I have tough decisions to make, that is always where I am. No one ever knows I am there, because that is my time to be alone. I went there before I had my son, and before I got married. He is with me every time I run my horse, and I know he is watching over me to keep me safe. Every time I almost hit a deer, he is watching me. Losing Kerry was the hardest thing I have ever gone through and trying to find the words for this blog was hard. I know Kerry will always be in my mind, and all the feeling, smells, and thoughts I have will always be there to. Every time I smell snowmobile gas, I think of him. Every time I see a dark purple Harley, I think of him. Hopefully this blog is descriptive enough, because some memories you just can't put on paper.