Virtual Love

For this weeks love, I was a little stuck, so I decided to elaborate on virtual love.

As I was reading others comments on the virtual love discussion, I wondered how effective internet dating really is. I was thinking how when my husband and I started dating and how often we texted and talked on the phone. I think for the first month, we spent the majority of our meaningful conversations through text messages. I find it so crazy how I could say so many meaningful things through those messages, but was so afraid of the rejection face to face, or even hearing it on the phone. As I have talked with my other friends about this topic, they have also agreed with me that they can say so many things over text messages rather than in person or on the phone.

One thing about virtual love that I don't really understand is the E-Harmony and Zoosk dating services. How effective are those sites? I would be so afraid that my profile, or my name even, would get in the wrong hands. Then you have stalkers and creeps on your hands. How do you know if all the things they are telling you are real? How many of those people are just telling you what you want to hear and not the actual truth? Like a man being a doctor, or a woman being a dancer in Vegas. There is no actual way of knowing what is the truth and what is a lie. I have heard so many people making fake profiles because they are scared of someone knowing them personally and being embarassed, or someone talking their identity. For me I would advise people to NOT be on those websites.

FakeBook

Well I guess it is somewhat true about people when you say, Fakebook. I am on facebook and everything I have on there is 100% true. I find it so funny when younger girls attempt to add me and all they have is a whole album of them doing the "kissy face". Just a face when you pucker your lips out and makes you look like a duck. Recently, it seems like facebook has become so trashy. Girls and guys everywhere posting half naked pictures of themselves all over their wall. I use facebook to connect with family and friends that live far away. True, your facebook should be your own personal thing, but when you post all these pictures for other people to see, its not so personal anymore.

Another thing on facebook that bothers me is how many of those accounts are fake, hense fakebook. So many people think its so funny to make a fake profile and start a bunch of drama. In my hometown, my babysitter was "dating" a boy in her class that no one wanted her to date. The other boys in her class that were friends with this boy created a fake profile, found a trashy picture of a girl and made it their profile picture, then made this little girl's life a living hell. They called her mean names all over her wall, and when she would delete it, they just made another one. They made it seem like this boy was with another girl and made her feel like dirt. I remember picking her up to babysit for us and she would be in tears telling me all the things these kids were doing. Trust me, it was very hard to NOT get involved. The best advice I could give her was to print it all off and take it to the cops.

One final thing that bothers me about facebook is the people who post 1,000 status updates a day! Seriously people, do you have nothing better to do? Granted I do post everyday, but I post 1 status update a day, maybe every other day. How do people have all this time to post everything they are doing, because if they have that much free time, they should come help me out! No one cares that you walked your dog at 9, showered at 10, went to lunch with all your lady friends at 12, took a 3 hour nap, getting ready to go out with your friends, finally meeting up with your friends, thinking about going to the bars, finally getting to the bars, taking 1,000 pictures and posting all of them, then reading your drunk posts that make no sense at all. Absolutely NONE of that made a difference to my day. Maybe those people should join twitter or make a blog!

Appreciation

As I was on my way home from work today, I really thought about how appreciative I am for my life. I feel truly blessed to have good health for my family and I. We are blessed with amazing parents and siblings. At my work, I truly feel my residents are not so lucky.
I work at a permanent residence with chronic homeless alcoholics. They are honestly some of the happiest people I have ever met. They are just happy to have hot meals and a roof over their head. When I grew up, I had a picture of a homeless person and it wasn't pretty. Now that I have actually met them, they are completely opposite of what I thought. They are cleaner than I am! They are some of the nicest people I have also ever met. They are never rude nor do they degrade you. They really do talk to you just like any other human being. Which leads me to my other point. Why are some people just complete jerks to others before EVER talking to them?
I hear about all these middle school girls talk about how some girls are nasty and what have you, when they don't even know the truth about these other girls! They are so hooked on how they look that they label them before they have a chance to hear a single word out of their mouth. They are so set on making these other girls' lives miserable that they will say whatever comes to their little simple mind about anyone. Even when there are so hurtful. They never think about what that other girl is thinking when she gets home. Does she honestly feel that way? It breaks my heart to see these girls act like complete fools over a boy who in the end will leave them for someone else. I realize teens think that no one cares and no one listens, when I can listen for 20 minutes and get only what happened that day.
I have now decided that I will make it a point to make someone else's day. Whether it is just telling someone their hair looks nice or helping my residents look for a relative they have lost contact with. Have you wondered what you could do today to make someone else feel better about themselves?

Kerry

When I read our weekly asignments and saw we had to write a blog about a loved one or grandparent and describe them. I thought I would describe my best friend, also my first cousin, that passed away a few years ago. He has at the largest impact on my entire life. He has been on my mind with every major decision I have had to make and I never stop thinking about him. I can clearly remember how I felt, what he wore, and the atmosphere before he left this world. Lets just say this blog will be wrote with many tears shed.
It was June 13, 2008. I was working at my uncles small engine shop as a front desk person, getting parts ordered and what not. It was about 5 o'clock in the afternoon and we were just getting ready to leave. I was outside picking up the garbage outside and I turn around and am being bombarded by dandelions by Kerry. He had on the same blue shirt he always did that said RFD, Rushford Fire Department, the same Gander Moutain hat, and the same blue jeans with his fish belt buckle. He also always smelled like gasoline, the kind you use in a snowmobile, even though it wasn't winter! He looked at me with his goofy grin that always looked like he was up to no good. He asked me what my plans were for the night, asking me if I wanted to go for a ride on his Harley for the first time since I had never been on a motorcycle in my life. His motorcycle was a dark purple and had an eagle, no I don't know anything more about it, I don't know much about motorcycles. His motorcycle was definatly his baby. I said no, I had a horse show in Austin the next day and had to be up at like 4 AM so I was gonna go home and go to bed. He said ok, continued to throw more dandelions and little gravel pieces at me and then went on his way. Right before I clocked out, he pushed me out of the way like he always did to punch out and we went our seperate ways. I proceeded to go home and went to bed like I said I was.
The next morning I got up at 4 when I said I was, even though I was tired as could be because I couldn't sleep very good. I was driving up to my friends house since I was riding with her to Austin. I remember going over Interstate 90 and looking at the sunrise. It was absolutely gorgeous, so I got to the stop sign and took a picture. I sent it to Kerry and told him how nice it is to be able to see this, and gave him a hard time for not being up that early and he shouldn't have gone out. We went about our day in the hot sun, and in the back of my mind I couldn't figure out why Kerry wouldn't text me back, since he always did every day!
It was 4 o'clock in the after noon when we were just getting ready to leave Austin. I remember looking at my phone and seeing that I had a missed call and voicemail from my mom. Thinking she just was checking on me, I called before I checked the message. I could hear it in her voice that something was wrong. I was not prepared for what she was about to tell me. She got very calm and said Kerry had died in a motorcycle accident that night at 2 in the morning. I instantly burst into tears. I had just talked to him the night before! I was in complete shock that I actually cried the entire way home. Once I got back to town, I went straight to Kerry's dad's house. I got out of the truck and fell straight to my knees. I could not stop crying for the life of me. My uncle took me in his arms and we both just cried together for about an hour right there in the street. It felt as if someone had ripped my heart right out my chest.
I actually can't tell you how the next few days were because I honestly didn't do anything but sit at my uncles and cry. I went into Kerry's room the day before his wake. It smelled just like he did. I picked up his jacket and sure enough it smelt just like snowmobiles, which was something Kerry and I did religiously in the winter. In fact all his clothes smelled that way to, and I know he washed them. I barely made it through the wake and funeral with out crying. I remember his twin nephews looking at him in his casket. They looked up to Kerry as their dad since their real dad was no longer in the picture. They would look at him and say Kerry is in Heaven riding his motorcycle.
Every year on the anniversary of his death, I go and just sit there and cry. I know I am not over losing him and I know I won't be for a long time. Every now and then when I have tough decisions to make, that is always where I am. No one ever knows I am there, because that is my time to be alone. I went there before I had my son, and before I got married. He is with me every time I run my horse, and I know he is watching over me to keep me safe. Every time I almost hit a deer, he is watching me. Losing Kerry was the hardest thing I have ever gone through and trying to find the words for this blog was hard. I know Kerry will always be in my mind, and all the feeling, smells, and thoughts I have will always be there to. Every time I smell snowmobile gas, I think of him. Every time I see a dark purple Harley, I think of him. Hopefully this blog is descriptive enough, because some memories you just can't put on paper.